My First Thought, the wedding and the singleton

Today I went to the wedding of a beautiful couple. They are dear friends of mine who have been together for seven years. They have an adorable son and an enviable relationship.

But attending this wedding, with my best (male) friend of 10 years as a single parent struggling to find a new partner made me feel a tad blue.┬áIn truth I sobbed into a gin and tonic in front of the TV in my PJ’s when I got home.

You see the male friend, whom my son adores and my family (and his) and friends want me to marry, unfortunatly I have no interest in in ‘that way’ at all! Oh what a shame, I could do a lot worse. In fact I couldn’t do much better, he’s practically perfect – for someone else!

I would be over the moon for him if he met a lovely girl and settled down. I’d wish them well with a sincere smile and help them plan a wedding!

But that does not mean that I don’t want to meet someone and fall madly in love and have the wedding I’ve dreamed of since I was eight years old.

So why is this so hard? Where are all the men!? I mean, its easy to find someone who will take you for a couple of dates expecting something at the end only to shrink away when they find out you actually are looking for a relationship.

And then the ones who want a relationship turn out to be obsessive weirdo’s who scare you into avoiding them at all costs! And don’t get me started on the ex, so utterly self centered he looked in every car and shop window to stare at himself and couldn’t help but check his phone every two seconds regardless of being in the middle of a sentence and after getting a new girlfriend treats me like I am a complete inconvenience he wishes could wipe off his shoe… It’s OK. I don’t want you back, I am not going to destroy your perfect relationship. I’m just trying to get on with my life….! oh he’s also my sons incompetent father…

I just want to meet that guy who will tell me that I look nice, surprise me every so often with a bunch of flowers for no particular reason and who actually cares how I feel and about my opinions. A man who isn’t obsessed with the gym and Saturday night in town. A man who wants the ‘old fashioned’ relationship! That doesn’t make me an anti feminist, it just means I’d like to find a man who treats me like a women and treasures me. Like the friends I saw get married today. They adore each other. Always have and I believe, with all my heart that they always will.

I just want ^that^ relationship. Surely he exists somewhere!?

Or am I just kidding myself?

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Hello world!

OK, so I thought I’d try this out. My thoughts sometimes bubble up and I can’t always find somewhere to vent them. Some are serious, some are ponderous and some make no sense at all. Or at least they pose questions which aren’t answerable!

In the end though, they are really just my thoughts. Mine and mine alone. Some people may share them and some might oppose them but that’s all they are.

Thoughts….